mentally preparing myself for the 3 hour car trip tomorrow with the family. endless annoyance, here we come! i also predict that my mother will want to karaoke during this. also, i have no working earphones. fuck it.
“The secret of attraction is to love yourself. Attractive people judge neither themselves nor others. They are open to gestures of love. They think about love, and express their love in every action. They know that love is not a mere sentiment, but the ultimate truth at the heart of the universe.”—Deepak Chopra (via moonsiren)
today is my parent’s anniversary! they’re not really that romantic together, ever, but tonight i want to cook them dinner and just make things really nice—just because, i don’t know, i’m kinda grateful that they still love each other. because it makes me believe more in love, somehow. neither of them is perfect—hell, far from it, but somehow they get around that, and i’m happy for them.
i’m thinking spaghetti with meat sauce…. and salad from the garden… and french music in the background, and a white tablecloth, and some elegant candles… haha, but knowing my family, nothing will last elegant for very long. we’re rather unmannered. anyway, off to do that, ciao!
i like entertainment wayyyyy too much. cuz, basically, i pretty much die of boredom without it, which doesn’t make for a very good life-skill, because someday i’ll be sitting in some crap job just because i couldn’t get my act together BECAUSE i sat around reading wonderful books all day, or watching FABULOUS movies all day, versus working to be the perfect student/daughter/violinist. i’m very much into immediate satisfaction. i guess that works out if you go with the whole ‘living every day to the fullest’ thought, but if i follow that my whole life i’ll probably end up as an obese, rather uneducated person who has a crap job that she has to work till the age of seventy. which is depressing. so…. i guess that means i should also be considering long-term satisfaction.
i really loveeeeeee techno and i guess that’s not really important for me to declare to tumblr world, but i am also procrastinating. so. gotta have something to procrastinate with. oh, that sounded wrong…
i went to a violin summer camp yesterday, just like a visiting thing or whatever, and MAN. sitting down for 5+ hours really does a number on a person’s tailbone, just saying… also, these aspiring violinist people get REALLY upset when they don’t play perfectly. like, i’m not even kidding—they kinda view each performance as some intense, crucial audition for a college or a symphony. which is not how you’re supposed to perform, in my humble opinion, cuz obviously no one’s perfect, and the audience most definitely doesn’t expect you to be—plus, nine times out of ten they’re not even going to know if you mess up. also, most people that listen to classical music are old people, and most old people are on the verge of deafness—thus, it doesn’t really matter. whatever.
i don’t know. can someone please tell me again what the point is of playing music that’s been played a thousand times over?
okay, whatever, i have a freaking english regents tomorrow but who fucking cares. listen, i want to be in love so bad. not that i believe in “true love” or such shit— just love. i don’t think there’s ever going to be a perfect person for someone, but does that matter? i think it’s more the feeling, right then, at that moment, that you get from being with someone. it shouldn’t really be about whether or not it’ll last forever (hey, if that’s how it turns out, that’s great) but more on if it’s working at that exact moment.
oh gosh, so i’m pretty much uncomprehensible right now and i’m pretty sure that’s not even a word. i don’t know. and then on the other hand, i feel like love is wasted sometimes. because too often there are two people that are so obviously, painfully attracted to each other and yet they don’t do anything about it, it’s like they’re trying so hard to resist the inevitable. it’s a waste. i know it’s a cliche, but why not accept that life is short, and precious? why not have fun while you’re at it? sure, i understand that protecting one’s heart is also important, and you can’t have some long line of ruined, tired relationships trailing behind you—but at the same time, you gotta have some sort of strength about it too. i think it shows a really strong brave person if they have loved and lost, but are willing to love again.
ughhhhhhh so tired. goodnight tumblr. sweet dreams. also, i watched disney oceans and now desperately want to be a mermaid. but dreams about deep-sea, fabulous creatures are also welcome.
you know it’s a good day when the only real responsibility you have is to play music and be nice to your mother (cuz, you know, she’s such a delicate mixture of anxiety and suspicion, prone to explosion at virtually any mishap or “attitude”). also, i got to spend the majority of the day basking in the sun which is really rather lovely although the piano-tuning guy did get to see me in my undies. which is rather embarrassing. but we should all love our bodies and not be ashamed of them, as darling mother always says.
what else… i’m kinda afraid that i have no sense of humor. does that make sense? cuz, really, what most people laugh at i just roll my eyes at, and i’m not certain if that means i have a more *refined* sense of humor or if i simply don’t have one at all. oh well.